Depression is back

By | May 14, 2016

Depression is back

Not the easiest post I have to write as it is a real personal issue that my depression is back, I can’t exactly tell you why and where the depression demons come back from I just don’t know, in fact, I didn’t even notice my behaviour my fiancée did!!

I imagine with most mental illness we just don’t know we’re ill we just know something is wrong and nine times out of ten the closest people tend to get the fallout from our illness.

One of my first post I wrote for busting my fat belly was can exercise help with depression take back control, as this subject is something I’m really keen to help others as well as myself!!

Now here is the punch line and for me, the vital link……. I stopped exercising!!

depression is back

What Happened

It’s hard to pinpoint when I stopped exercising my motivation just went, and the vicious cycle just happened, Stopped exercising and poof the weight comes back, no longer am I toned and in a good healthy condition I was which adds to the low mood I’m feeling.

Now in no way is it as bad as how it was when I first got and it was directed more inwards with crying and confusion this was something else, this was vile I took it out on my fiancée and not even realised the damage I was causing to her mental well-being, it can’t be easy living with someone with mental health issues I can only empathise….But I can’t as empathy has disappeared along with all other emotions.

My fiancée picked up on my changed behaviour weeks before the meltdown, I should have spotted the signs but I failed and didn’t listen to my fiancée, I fount myself sourcing my own prescription drugs such codeine and other moods “calming” effects!

The crazy thing about it all, I know what the best drug is and its exercise!! I gave my fiancée the worse holiday of her life and we split up as she just couldn’t take any more and moved back to her mums, one week later I resign from my job possibly would have been sacked but will never know that now. it’s not relevant as although I am now jobless feel a huge lift off my shoulders.


 What Now?

Well, it’s going to be a long hard road and my fiancée has moved back in, on one condition…..I get help and real help, I started by going doctors and took my fiancée with me so they could hear how it really was, a real reality check listening to someone describe you to a doctor.

It’s been decided that I go and see a specialist as they may be more at play than just depression, but that’s for another day.

My pledge to myself, my fiancée my kids and all the subscribers to busting my fat belly is this I will beat the demons within, with exercise and medical help because this time I will listen to my fiancée.

Depression is back for now! but it will be gone

If you are suffering either from mental health or living with it then seek to get help its nothing to be ashamed of, if this article has touched a point or want to know more either comment below or email privately at


4 thoughts on “Depression is back

  1. Summerly

    There is a lot in this post I can relate to. I am on medication now to help with my depression but when I wasn’t, I realize now looking back, that my boyfriend at the time had to deal with a lot of crap! Your mood does affect the people around you and it is hard to be aware of that. He came with me to the doctor as well, and it is an eye opener when they describe you and your behaviour. I do feel better when I exercise, but without medication I didn’t have the mental energy to do that, but with the meds I feel completely different and I exercise daily, which I believe does help with depression, along with medication. Thanks for writing this post.

    1. Steven Varley Post author

      Hi Summerly,

      Totally agree, once it gets to that point were you casnt even muster the energy to comb your hair then meds are a must, I am back on meds and most likely having therapy, my fiancée cant be put through that again although its not actually our fault the guilt is still there adding to the cycle.

      We can lose it all if we dont ask for help

  2. laura

    Nice article! I know when I stop exercising it effects my mood. You do start to gain weight and do start to feel depressed when you dont keep up with it. I noticed it helps to surround yourself with positive people.

    1. Steven Varley Post author

      Hi Laura,

      Agreed I shut myself off from people as felt odd person in the crowd but i kept a small circle of positive people and deffo does help.


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